While It Rains

 10th may 2021 I think I've felt enough. nothing empties me people don't consequent  past doesn't haunt  future doesn't pull  fiction doesn't satisfy attention doesn't excite audacity doesn't define. the way the world works -  isn't right for me. its all in me - these people, this earth, the universe; all the hypothesis, theories,  examples, explanations -  they all exhaust me. but nothing belongs to me and vice versa. the void I process,  I've come to cherish it. Life isn't the opposite of death. I realised it is all one beautiful  solace of Emptiness,  which we strive to fill  with our own lively delusions. - Varshini 

 13th February 2021 I could feel the hatred eating me. I can feel it sucking out all the impurity I held. I let it in to push the pain off the cliff, late to realise it entered with vengfulness. slowly steadily consuming the inborn virtue of affection. it projecting the minute details as atoms of Evil, late to realise it was such particles that paved the path for my inbornity. I invited it blaming my cowardice on the circumstances. was my ability and preaching of love too lousy- for my own self to give in to the vile. pain it took, pain it gave, Ain't too late to forgive the vile, for thus the only way to Bury the sordid - making the manure  outta it to Bloom the Mussy solicitude. - Varshini 

 17th February 2021 The night after her demise  I hugged her, so lucid her skin texture; I begged her, so stifling my weeping; For love, for forgiveness,  for little more togetherness. She held me too, so was my vague memory; The betrayal and the deceive  Hit hard the insensible psyche, When she already couldn't obligate in existent. And I questioned myself and none else - Why did she crave and chose death so badly; She was fond of love, family, beauty, Culinary, crooning, saudade, Patriarchy, and also fictions that contradict it, Attire, little tattle,and her own kinda peace. I realized ignorance of mine and hers Alongside impotent acceptance,  ain't having the will to bear the  pain - She once took for granted,  Is all it took for the burial of fondness for life, Long before her body was burned. - Varshini   

 8th March 2020   Rolling, scrolling, crawling I evolved.  Whenever I stop, I feel lost. Is it just me tired,is it my soul that has dried? Laughing through sadness, broke down by the night end. Enigmatic feels all over my head, Searching for the daylight  when I'm not ready to face the sun. - Varshini